Teens: how to help them be good about themselves?

Teens: how to help them be good about themselves?

  That was in February. The new song Enfoirés "whole life" triggered an outcry among young people. In the clip, rather pessimistic teens ("The closed doors and dark clouds. This is our heritage, our horizon") opposed an adult moralizing strand ("All one, it took the win. Have fun, but you need to move. "." An image that sticks to fairly "Generation C", made up of children born after 2000. Why "C"? For Communication, Collaboration, and Creativity Connection. And yes, today's teens are resourceful, much more optimistic than you think A hypothesis confirmed by the latest study Inserm ("Portraits of teens", March 2015): almost 50% of 13-18 years say they are confident in the future and 89.9% believe that education is useful for success. Rather reassuring, right? Although 56% admit that adolescence is not an easy time to live. this time, we have all known remains to be remembered, but also (and this is the hardest) to cope with the new codes imposed by society. Internet revolution, social networks, reality shows, series or violent hypersexualisées, all on economic crisis background. Between authoritarianism and lax, difficult to find the right balance to protect our teens while the 'letting live. " Five experts from adolescence us their best advice to pass this course which, as recalled by the psychiatrist J.-D. Nasio, has a beginning and an end ...!

"Help them to mourn childhood"

 "The teens have to say goodbye to their childhood, and it is not so easy! A bit like Christopher Columbus discovered the new world, they discover a dimension of human existence that they have to invent: their way of being a man or a woman. But this is also the case of the parents! If they were coping very well with young children, here they are faced with the question "how to be a parent when you have more children? ". For the teen is no longer a child! Yet many are trying to hold him when he leaves. Because by leaving, he leaves an empty place. The mother is then returned to its status of women, the father to his human condition, the parental couple married couple to his condition. To them to find another way to exist, to two. In this regard, prevention is better than cure, avoiding over-investment parenting. "

Daniel Coum, clinical psychologist (1). Author of "The teenager and his parents: an addiction to another" (Eres ed.).

"Recognize that needs them"

 "We should not hesitate to their mean they have value, we need them in our lives. Attention, it is not an anguished need ("I suffer, be there for me"), but from a need driven by generosity. For that, nothing beats sharing. Let's break the idea of ​​verticality, we try instead to bilateral transmission. After all, most "experts" of youth ... are the young people themselves! Without them, we could not understand their ways, their codes, their languages. But they help us, they must have confidence in their elders feel that adults are a haven. It is essential to ask them a kind look, out of judgment. Especially as they confront us with a real bath of Youth. Optimists, teenagers also have an extraordinary resurrection capacity. They have so much to teach us. "

Vincent Cespedes, philosopher, author of "Dare to Youth" (ed. Flammarion).

"We prefer critical (useful) to ban"

 "We must remember that forever," the teen resists where the parent insists "the more we will ban, the more the child will be tempted to infringe the rule. And it is even easier today as he has access to everything (video games, TV series, pornography ...) on your mobile phone (or one of his buddies). Rather than reject outright what we do not know ("no question of letting you watch this stupid show!"), It is better to learn about what is beyond us and its dangers, immerse and interact with him ..., criticizing what one sees (and that is not love). Especially with Generation C is easier. It is not in frontal opposition, much more in peaceful exchange and dialogue than their elders. Including his parents! "

Dr. Olivier Revol, child psychiatrist, author of "I have a teenager ... but I treat myself" (ed. I Lu)

"You learn to relativize"

  "When you make him an admonition, the teenager, more than blame, hears your unavailability of mind. However, in case of big mistake, he must feel that you are not destabilized by the behavior he just had. You always trust in him, that you distinguish the person of his actions. He finally comes to being able to condemn what is wrong without ever denying his love parent. He stole from a store? Yes, it is unacceptable, but that does not make him a thief forever. It is much more than that (great great brother, for example). Moreover, no way to compare it to his brothers and sisters or children of the neighbor. By putting in competition, we believe the bitten to the quick. In fact, it discourages it humiliates. He saw this as a slap, never as stimulation! "

Dr. JD Nasio, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, author of "How to act with a young person in crisis? "(Ed. Payot)

"We reassure them about the future"

  "Teenagers are very attentive to the adult world. Through our fears, we transmit their anxiety. But to want to grow, we must perceive a future. Hence the importance of reassuring. Not by lying to them but by freeing them from this tyranny of success imposed on them. The incentive to compete only serve our parental narcissism and does not leave the choice to decide. Better to allow them to dream as a teen well in his sneakers, this is a teenager who continues to create (and dream is part of the process.) The ideal is to accompany him on a daily basis in this he loves, to trust him leaving the open doors, to show himself available to help. Meaning that everything will perhaps not possible, but everything remains to imagine that the future is not written. The art of being a parent is to be there ... without being intrusive. "

Professor Philippe Duverger, child psychiatrist, author of "The small red car at the bottom of the drawer" (ed. Anne Carrière).

Advice to parents teens!

"Love your teen unconditionally"

  "We should prepare adolescence your child from an early age. Already by inculcating respect, not by a demonstration of power, but by teaching him to appreciate what he receives. And reminds him all the time without you, it would be in the street! Remember, it has not asked to be there. Your child loves you unconditionally. Until he realizes that this is not necessarily your case ... Your love seems to have conditions that prevent us from becoming one we would want to be. Our mind is like a clock, it needs small gears to function and evolve. But if you want to control the direction of these gears, the clock is broken! "Victor, 17 years.

"Show yourself available"

" We need you. We do trust you, but you are there to help us build us. Already in answering our questions, taking the initiative to tackle taboo subjects like drugs and sex (your knowledge is valuable) but also by asking limits. That we can not do it alone! The key is communication. True, we often enclose our bubble slightest problem ... Do not hesitate to insist, even make us explode, so that the word becomes free. And then you should show us more often than you are proud of us. Not rewarding us every good deed, but by showing us that has value. "Maia, 15 years.

"Be firmer"

  "Nothing worse than too lax parents. Over time, you realize that it sucks. Too much freedom kills freedom. It's like coming face to ten different paths: one is ten times more likely to be wrong route. And then some friends who drink or smoke cigarettes, we already have ... No need you for that! In addition, it is necessary that you say, playing teens to 40s, it's ridiculous. Instead, take your role seriously. A parent is made to comfort, to guide, to prohibit. To be boring, too. That's why we all love you, even if we do not tell you! "Jim, 17.

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